Posts tagged “gardening

Arn-old

Posted on January 25, 2012

“You’re not coming anywhere near me with that thing!” screamed Grace, retreating behind the couch. “I’m warning you Bob. If you don’t take it outside this instance, I’ll never speak to you again.” Bob did hear her but he took no notice. They had been together almost 35 years and he had learnt that the best way to deal with Grace’s outbursts was to just ignore her. He pressed the remote control and stood back as the machine came to life “Good evening,” it said,  “I am pleased to make your acquaintance.” “Turn it off,” screamed Grace. “Turn it off or else…” Bob continued to ignore her and adjusted the volume. “For Christ’s sake, Grace, just get a hold of yourself. It’s not going…

Ham Fisted

Posted on January 24, 2012

The sheer scale of the disaster struck Roland Dewhurst as he was congratulating himself on the quality of his work. He had switched off the lawnmower, lifted himself from the soft, leather seat and was staring in admiration at the lushness of the lawn. He pulled the packet of cigarettes from his pocket, checked that no one was watching and lit up. He inhaled the smoke and relaxed as the nicotine kicked in. He took a few more drags, stubbed the end of the cigarette on the heel of his shoe and placed it back in the packet.  He turned, detached the cuttings box and walked over to the compost heap. He was watching the cuttings tumble down before him when he spotted the…